Valentine’s Day Confession

I have a confession to make. I feel jealous that my kids spend time making my husband gifts for holidays like Valentine’s Day, and not for me. I mean I know they love me. When they need to feel love they come to me. When they want to be comforted, they come to me. Because I sing them an “I love you” song every night, they sometimes come to me to sing me the “I love you” song. And throughout the day they often thank me when I make them lunch or a snack or buy them the things they need or want. They are aware that I am the one that is physically there for them day in and day out. And yet, I’m jealous that he gets the gifts. Perhaps it’s because I’m the one who likes holidays and is sure to buy everyone gifts and make the day special for the kids and wish someone would be that thoughtful for me. Perhaps it’s because my love languages are gifts and praise. Perhaps it’s my semi-suppressed anger that my husband works so much leaving me with the lions share of raising and homeschooling kids, managing a household and finances, all while I launch a business. Perhaps it’s my wounds from childhood of feeling unseen, unloved and unimportant being triggered and brought to the surface so I can love them and heal them. Honestly, it’s probably all of those and then some. I know it’s just stories. I know it’s just ego. Yet the pain is real. So I sit with it. I listen to it. I love it. I write about it. I share it with others. And then, in a few hours my lovelies will wake up and I will love them from the bottom of my heart, not for praise and gifts but because I want to. To all the moms out there who feel unappreciated, I see all you do. You are doing important work. Keep loving your kids. Keep loving yourself. Keep honoring your emotions. 

You are amazing and though it may not seem like anyone notices or cares, they do. Rock on, sister.